What are some things introverted people hear a lot? (Besides ‘you need to talk more?’)

“You need to get out of your shell!”

“You need to step out of your comfort zone!”

Ugh.

I’ve gotten this too. The implication is loud and clear - you’re not being loud enough for someone’s tastes. You’re not doing enough, you’re not exciting enough, etc. You’re just not enough.

In a business setting, especially in entrepreneurial circles, the second statement is pretty dang common. There’s a firmly held belief that in order to have success (hopefully defined by yourself, but typically it’s per someone else’s definition), you need to be more and do more than what you’re currently comfortable with.

“Bust out of that comfort zone! All your dreams are waiting for you outside of your comfort zone, if you’ll just reach out and take it!”

To be fair, there is some truth to this. Anything worth doing or having takes hard work, and when you’re learning something new or going in a different direction for the first time, that does mean trying things you never did before. For a lot of people, that can be frightening. It’s more comfortable to stay where you’re at, where you know what’s what, where it is and how it works.

That’s not usually where growth happens, though, and that’s what people are trying to say when they tell you to step out of your comfort zone. Staying stuck and stagnant isn’t a good thing. We need to be learning and improving our whole lives, and that won’t happen if we refuse to try anything new or go anywhere we haven’t been before.

However.

I don’t think shells are necessarily a bad thing, and I prefer to think of comfort zones a bit differently.

First, let’s look at shells.

For one thing, shells are incredibly useful. If we look around in the animal kingdom, we can find at least a few who wear them: crabs, snails, and turtles.

Now crabs, while terribly ugly yet delicious creatures in my opinion, have shells they outgrow every now and then. It’s a periodic process called molting, where they break out of their shell that has gotten too small for them, and then they bury themselves in moist sand and must be left strictly alone for a while.

Isolation is very important during this stressful time: without a shell, they’re extremely soft (they could literally fall apart) and quite vulnerable and quite tasty to predators and even other crabs.

Yup.

A crab without its shell is totally helpless until their new shell hardens up. They have to have a shell in order to survive, and nagging at them during this delicate process is completely detrimental.

Outgrowing our old shells, metaphorically speaking, must happen from time to time, but while totally normal and healthy, it’s not always an exciting process. People like to act as though breaking out of an old shell is an adventure we should be raring to go on like Bilbo Baggins, but sometimes we’re feeling too vulnerable and scared at the time to celebrate yet. Some of us need time and space to figure things out and grow into our new shell at our own pace without getting picked on and devoured by other crabs. How many of us have gotten dragged out of the sand in our soft state before we were ready - for our own good, of course - and ended up falling apart?

Snails, on the other hand, have one shell they stay in for a lifetime. They don’t grow out of it and don’t leave it. But here’s what I learned a while back: if a snail’s shell breaks, they can possibly re-grow and repair it, because it must be repaired - without a shell, they die. And if the shell is so severely damaged it takes too much out of their teeny systems to repair, they die.

Are you catching on?

Everyone needs a secure home base where they can recharge and know what’s what. Having our shell broken into and being relentlessly exposed to things we don’t know how to handle yet (or simply can’t) is overwhelming, to say the least; and some of us, if not most of us eventually, will totally shut down when we can’t take any more pressure and stimuli.

One more example: turtles. We all learned as kids that turtles call their shells home, because it is. Turtles are the ultimate homebodies - wherever they go, they’re already home, which is pretty cool. When danger threatens, all they have to do is retreat their head and legs inside, and they’re safe inside their hard shell (unless somebody decides to use them as a football or something, which would be pretty rude). Who in their right mind would tell a turtle to get out of their shell for their own good, unless they had a hankering for turtle soup? In which case, it isn’t for the turtle’s benefit, is it?

When the world gets to be too much, and we can all agree that it can sometimes, we need a place to retreat and rest where no one can bother us for a while. Being social isn’t always the answer, especially if you’re introverted - a little peace and quiet will set us to rights, so long as someone isn’t knocking loudly on our shell telling us to come out and rejoin the others right now.

Having a protective shell is essential, especially in a world as cruel as ours. Even if we don’t need to retreat inside it at the moment, it’s pretty handy to have a hard casing for things to roll off our backs.

I know, we’re not crabs or snails or turtles. It’s called a metaphor. I’m making a point.

Is it wrong to have a secure retreat? A quiet haven in this crazy, mixed-up world? Is there a rule that we have to stay constantly open and exposed with no means of defense?

That’s total BS.

There are plenty of times to stick your head out of your shell and go places and do things, yes, but it should always be there when you need to take a break. And some of us need more down-time than others. Just saying. (Raising my hand here!)

Then we come to comfort zones, which are kind of similar.

Most of us like staying in our comfort zones where everything’s familiar, myself included, but what about all those big, awesome things we want to achieve that lie outside of it?

Here’s how I prefer to look at it: instead of beating myself up about forcing myself to step outside my comfort zone, I work on expanding it.

Let that sink in. I’ll give you a minute.

In exercise, for example, we may start off badly out of shape and everything feels painful, but we work at steadily increasing our strength and stamina until things we couldn’t do before are now easy. A 50 lb. weight or a 5 mile run doesn’t change, but they feel a lot lighter and shorter when you’re stronger.

Learning something new can be intimidating, but I try to see it as adding something to my repertoire. Once I get the hang of it, it’s now part of my skill set - and in my comfort zone.

See how it works?

The more I learn, the bigger my comfort zone gets, which ultimately means I can stay in it a lot easier and have plenty of space to work in without having to leave as often. A bigger shell to live in. Sneaky, ain’t it?

Of course, this does mean taking those initial baby steps outside your comfort zone to begin with, but notice I said baby steps. Taking big, grandiose leaps is more dramatic, but not always necessary. Gradual progress is fine, so long as you’re still moving forward. Increasing your comfort zone takes time, probably longer than most people have the patience for, but humans are an impatient lot anyway, so it’s okay to tune out anyone who says you’re too slow. I officially give you permission.

One last thing: some people try to use the comfort zone excuse to get you to do things that will never be one of your strengths. Some folks say that introverts need to get more comfortable making phone calls, for example.

Good grief.

I get that there are situations where phone calls have to be made, but if they were always strictly necessary to make it in life, I wouldn’t be here today, y’all. I really do better communicating in written form. Text and emails, please.

Writing can be organized ahead of time, crafted to say exactly what I want. That’s how I sound halfway intelligent on here.

Spoken conversation is too much like improv, which I reek at, by the way. If I have to talk everything out, I end up tripping over my words and sounding more like Beavis and Butthead.

“Uhhhhhhh.......”

It’s just not one of my strengths. I can get by when I have to with phone calls, but I’m working from a place of weakness and it won’t be my best. Like having to use my non-dominant hand.

Expanding your comfort zone should go hand in hand with playing to your strengths. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need to focus too much energy on something you’re not wired for. Forcing a fish to learn to climb a tree is a huge waste of time, when you could be coaching it to be the best swimmer it can be.

Because a fish’s comfort zone is in the water. Could be a river, a lake, an ocean, a fishbowl, but it’s gotta stay in its element.

Guess what happens when you take a fish out of water.

It dies.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know any hairstyles for the barn. You should always have a neat mane while competing, but you can rock the messy chic look while taking lessons or doing barn chores without sticking to messy buns all the time.

There are three basic hairstyle types you can wear around the barn and under a riding helmet:

• The ponytail

• The braid

• The bun

Let’s take a closer look at each of these styles that don’t take tons of time or hairspray, and should fit under your helmet. (You are wearing a helmet, right?)

1 - The ponytail.

Ah, the old faithful of hairdos. Anyone can do it, and it keeps your hair out of the way. It’s still a good option.

High, tight ponytails are popular with some, but I would caution you to wear those sparingly - they can cause a lot of stress to your scalp from the constant pulling of your strands to hold them up, and over time if you wear it constantly, there’s a chance of hair loss. It’s called traction alopecia.

Anyway, there are ways to punch up a ponytail if you’re looking to change things up a bit. You can take a small section of hair from underneath, braid it and wrap it around the base before securing, to pretty it up a little.

It’s cutesy, but pigtails are another option, either for the younger set or the young at heart. I like to wrap a teeny section of hair around the bases for mine.

2 - Braids

Braids are a good way to add some interest, and you don’t have to do anything complicated. If you know how to braid a horse’s mane and tail, you can braid your own hair. It just takes a few extra minutes.

A classic version is the French braid. This is great for keeping hair out of your face, and it fits under your helmet. (Remember, you pass the strands over each other.)

You can wrap the ends into a bun, or leave it in a ponytail.

If you don’t feel like braiding your head, braiding the length of your hair works great too. You can do the classic 3-strand braid, or jazz things up with a fishtail braid, which only takes 2 strands but a bit more time, in my opinion.

3 - Buns

It’s more common to see buns in the show ring, but you can wear them while riding anytime. They’re a classy way to keep your mane contained.

A favorite of mine is the Nautilus bun. It’s fast, easy and compact.

And then there’s the classic low bun.

You can also braid your hair and wrap it into a bun for a more dressy look. Like for barn parties or something. Do they still do those?

And let’s not forget pigtail buns! They’re too cute to pass up. You can make two little braided buns or Nautilus buns or whatever kind of buns suit your fancy. I tend to do knotted messy buns, myself.

These sit higher up on my head and may not fit under a helmet, so I would wear these while doing barn chores. They’re perfect for running around in summertime.

And there you have it! Plenty of hairstyles for riding lessons and barn chores that’ll keep your hair out of the way and off your neck.

Sounds awesome, you say, but what should I use?

You can use basic hair ties, with the understanding that they can snag and break hair depending on what they’re made of, and they can lose their elasticity and fall off. (Horse camp game: how many old hair ties can we count around the barn, kids?)

Bobby pins are another option for simpler styles. They don’t have to be fancy, they just need to be sturdy. The ones I use are pretty strong, so I haven’t had issues with them falling out. Try not to pre-open them so they don’t take in too much hair and slide out, and when you take them out, push them by their feet to minimize hair pulling.

Finally, you can use a hair clip that can stand up to the rough and dirty lifestyle of the horse girl. I like the Flexi Sport, which is waterproof, sweat proof, flexible and nonslip. It’s easy to use and can take a fair beating, so I don’t have to treat it with kid gloves. And it comes in lots of fun colors.

That’s it, y’all. I hope this guide was helpful! Share it with your equestrian friends, and let me know which styles you want to try.

Share

Subscribe now

I think it’s one of those things, though, that everyone just assumes they know how to do, or they assume everyone else knows how so they don’t teach it. Judging by all the stray bobby pins I find on the ground here and there wherever I go, there’s a need for further education. After all, no one should be throwing time and money away buying cheap bobby pins they can’t use properly and have to replace over and over. So this is my attempt at a complete bobby pin tutorial so you’ll learn everything you need to know, with no more waste.

First, let’s tackle a big one: why won’t bobby pins stay in my hair?

For one thing, you may be trying to shove too much hair into them. The more hair, the more pressure, and too much pressure will have the pins pushing away from your hair and sliding right out. Bobby pins are tiny because they’re meant for tiny amounts. They’re suited for small sections of hair, like for pinning back stray wispies or securing smaller styles. A general rule of thumb is no more than maybe half an inch thickness of hair for regular sized pins or an inch thickness for jumbo sized pins. If you need to put up your entire mane, you’ll likely need tons of bobby pins, which can be time consuming and fussy. You may be better off with one or two U-pins or a comfy hair clip for that.

If you push your finger into a bobby pin to separate the legs, you’ll feel for yourself that it’s not meant to spread very far, and it’ll try to slide off your finger to ease the pressure. It acts the same way with hair - prying it open to shove insane amounts of hair inside isn’t doing you any favors. Not to mention, if you do that too often, you’ll permanently widen the legs and make it too loose to use at all, which means you’ll have to toss it. Sayonara!

No slutty pins – keep those legs closed!

The thing is, you don’t have to open a bobby pin first to use it. If you look closely at the foot, you’ll see that one ‘toe’ is tipped up at an angle.

This is enough of an opening for you to simply push the pin in and catch hair along the way. Basically, if you have to pry it open in the first place, that’s usually a good indication you’re trying to use too much hair. It’s a good idea to lever it in, kind of like hair sticks (have you read my hair stick guide?). Or if you know how to use large hair pins, it’s a similar concept: slide the pin in with the opening up, then turn it right side up and slide it into place. This helps lock the hair in. Check out the vid to see what I mean.

If you have particularly slippery strands, you can use hairspray or sea salt spray (I recommend this sea salt spray) on your hair and/or the pin first before using it to add some extra grip. You also have the option of criss-crossing them in an X, which will have them holding hands for extra security, and it just looks cool if you’re going for messy chic.

But what if bobby pins hurt to use? What’s going on there?

You may be putting them in too tightly. You don’t have to manhandle them for them to do their job – a firm grip is all you need, not a death grip. People commonly say that bobby pins hurt their scalps, which is a symptom of too-tight styles (avoid those no matter what you’re using!), but I would also add that bobby pins aren’t really meant to be used right on your scalp. They’re for tucking in and securing small sections, not holding up a high updo. Bear in mind that the scalp is a sensitive area, even if you don’t consider yourself to have sensitive skin, so you need to be kind to your scalp and avoid super tight hairstyles and anything that puts constant strain on it.

You might also be yanking the pins out when you’re done, which can snag and break hair. Here’s how you safely remove bobby pins: grab it by the top and the foot and push it up and out by the foot.

So which way up are bobby pins supposed to go?

Here’s the thing: traditionally, bobby pins are meant to be used with the wavy side down against your head, and the flat side facing up. The waves are meant to help grip your head. I don’t dispute that, however the bobby pins I use have these cute decorations on them and have to be put in flat side down. I haven’t had any issues with them, though, and they’re very strong, so they stay put just fine. Wavy side down is a good guideline when applicable, but not imperative to success.

Here’s a few bonus bobby tips for you, since I’m feeling generous:

• Don’t put bobby pins in wet hair, unless you don’t care about dents or broken strands. Remember, wet hair is fragile hair!

• Don’t sleep with bobby pins in if you can possibly help it. Your scalp called and said it hates being constantly tugged and pulled at night, and during the day, and ever. Not to mention, it’s not so comfortable to sleep in anyway.

• If the rubber ends on the toe of your bobby pins come off, it’s time to toss them. Those soft caps keep the pointy metal from scratching you up. Your mind should be sharp, not your hair pins.

And finally, some thoughts on one of the most irritating things about bobbies: how do I keep from losing all my bobby pins?

Well, if they fit correctly they don’t fall out, so that’s one way you won’t lose them anymore. If you’re the type to take out your bobby pins in the car at the end of the day because they’re killing you and chuck them in the cup holder or something, that probably means they were in way too tight in the first place.

So it ultimately comes down to storage. If you don’t remember to take those loose bobbies out of your car and into the house, they’ll likely get lost in your car somewhere, fall out when someone gets out, get vacuumed up, etc. They’re not doing you any good in there. It’s best to keep bobbies either in your hair or in a special place they can call their own. It could be the container they came in, it could be a mason jar, it could be an organza bag, it could be a cute tin or tray, it could be a zippered pouch, it could even be a ziplock if you want to get fancy. What matters is that they have a home and you know where it is when you want to visit.

But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? I know I’m the last person people ask about organization...

Now that you know the proper use of bobby pins, the last question is, “What the heck can I use them for? I need hairstyle inspiration!”

Got you covered. Here’s a few ideas:

I hope you found this guide helpful! Share it with a gal pal, and let me know what made things click for you.

Leave a comment

Share

I hear ya. Hair sticks aren’t really as ubiquitous as scrunchies and claws, at least here in the US, and it’s not always simple to find good, clear information on how to use them.

But through trial and error, YouTube vids, and good old fashioned stubbornness, I’ve learned the ways of the hair stick, and it’s definitely worth it for fast, easy hairdos that look super chic without tons of other tools. Today, I’m going to pass on what I’ve learned to you.

At first glance, and second glance, a hair stick is the most basic implement you can imagine. It’s a stick. A decorated stick, usually, but still. And yet most people assume that using one has to be complicated.

Not really.

It’s not a matter of sticking it straight in, but there’s not a lot of steps involved. The trick is weaving it in so you catch plenty of hair for it to hold onto.

Take a bun, for example. After forming the bun, hold the hair stick in your dominant hand. With the bottom tip (not the decorated end), poke through the outer layers of the bun next to your head, lever it around so it points in the opposite direction, and weave the tip through the scalp hair behind the bun and out the other side of the bun. With all that hair woven in, it’ll hold.

Visual learners, check out the handy dandy video.

It’s essentially the same with a nautilus bun which is built a bit differently: insert the stick on one side of the center of the bun, lever it around, weave through scalp hair and out the other side.

Consult the video.

It’s the same thing with a twist, like a French twist. With your hair twisted up, take the stick and poke the tip sideways through the twist itself facing the fold of hair, lever it around so it points the opposite direction, and weave it through your scalp hair and out the other side.

Check out the vid to see for yourself.

As a bonus tip, if you’re using a stick for a figure 8 bun: after twisting your hair into coils, take the tip of the stick and push it upwards through the top loop, bring it all up against your head and gently spread the bottom loops downward, then bring the stick down through your scalp hair and out the bottom loop.

I’ve personally found that inserting the stick first and then bringing it up is way more secure then bringing the loops up and then putting the stick in.

Here’s the vid.

Typically one stick is all you need to secure your hair, but you can always use two for extra security, and I sometimes put in a second stick just for decoration. In my experience, I can always get away with one stick for buns, but feel like I usually need two with twists.

Also, with twists, I sometimes insert the stick once because it tightens the twist in the process, then take the stick out (holding my hair in place with the other hand) and insert it again for a firmer hold. Some experimentation is totally normal, so don’t think you always have to get it right on the first try.

Make sure your sticks are put in either horizontal or upright - a stick put in upside down will eventually fall victim to gravity and, well, fall.

The more hair you grab initially, the tighter it will be, and the less you grab, the looser it is. You can make it headache tight (though for the sake of your scalp I wouldn’t recommend it), or just enough for a firm hold. I prefer the second option, but again, it takes some experimentation to find how much feels good for you.

Here’s what grabbing more or less hair looks like, and how that affects how secure it is.

Now that you know how to put them in, why should you?

There’s plenty of benefits to using sticks: they’re gentle on hair and distribute the weight more evenly, so there’s less friction, tug, and less chance of headaches. They can hold all day without pulling on your roots, which means less breakage and fallout (so long as you’re not being rough and jamming the stick through your strands and breaking them - no need to be ham fisted!).

That also means there’s no ‘bend’ or ‘crease’ in your hair when you take them out, like with scrunchies, and there’s usually no pulling out hair with them like with hair ties and bobby pins.

Not to mention, you can pull off that messy chic look - it doesn’t have to be sleek with every hair in place. In fact, I think it often looks cooler when there’s some hair out here and there. You can put your hair up in seconds without fussing over every strand, no dealing with pins and sprays. It’s a win-win-win!

But don’t hair sticks only work if you have a lot of hair?

Not necessarily. You do need some length, but if it comes down to at least touch your shoulders, you should be able to twist it up and secure it with a hair stick. If you have thinner, fine hair, so long as you have enough length to put it up, you can use hair sticks so long as your hold is firm enough.

Hair sticks come in different lengths as well - if you have more hair you should use sticks that are at least 5 inches or longer, whereas if you have thinner or shorter hair, you may only need 4 inches. Granted, you could choose to use longer sticks with shorter or finer hair and it would work, but you may end up looking like you’ve got a long harpoon coming out of your hair ready to jab anyone who comes too close! Unless, of course, that’s what you’re going for. No judgment. Even with the right length stick, though, there remains the possibility of poking someone who comes in for a hug. (I speak from experience.) You can be the judge on whether that’s a good thing or not.

And don’t think you’re limited in what hairdos you can use hair sticks for! There are several bun styles you can use sticks in, you can secure various updos with sticks, even go for a smaller version of a bun or twist in a half up style. And then there’s braids! Braided buns and braided accent updos give you a fancier look.

Of course, there is the Chinese bun, which requires you to make a ponytail first before you wrap your hair around the stick, which usually means you need a scrunchie. But I’ve found that if you divide your hair in half and make two braids, you can insert the stick over the braids and wrap them around the stick, then secure the ends of the braids with cute bobby pins.

So now that you know how to use hair sticks and why they’re good for your hair, how do you pick the right ones?

There are different varieties out there to choose from, in different materials. I would advise against plastic, which can snap easily and the lower quality ones may have ridges that make it uncomfortable and harder to use because it snags your hair. Metal is a good option, as it’s always smooth and glides in nicely, and it typically has more weight, though it may not grip your hair as much as wood, which is something to consider if you have fine, slippery hair. Most hair sticks are wooden, which is an excellent choice if they’re made well, and they have more grip than metal which makes them a good choice for slippery manes. Wood is also lighter than metal if that’s a consideration for you, which means it’s less likely to make you feel weighed down.

Personally, I get my hair sticks here. They’re excellent quality, come in beautiful designs that I love to wear, and some come in different lengths. There’s something for everyone, whether your style is more rustic or elegant.

And that’s it! I hope you found this helpful, and that you’ll give hair sticks a try! Leave a comment with any questions or success stories, and share with your friends.

Leave a comment

Share